Its a blessing and curse when people can tell you're not having a good day.

Today is a day where I just want to cry. And I have a couple times.

My body is going through hell trying to fight something - i have no idea what it is. But my legs and feet are all fucked up and its irritating.

its month end, so that's always stressful.

march is coming, and I know that its not going to be a good month. It will be a year since Mom died, and maybe that's affecting me this month too. This will be Dad's 60th birthday, and Mom's not here. So that's tough.

I'm just having a bad day. I just want to cry.

my coworkers have been so great though. Janice and Sarah are so good. Giving me hugs, and offering to go out for ice cream, or go somewhere to scream, and suggesting ways to get more sleep. And Sonia and Gloria... Gloria said that if i wasn't feeling well (i told her i wasn't, and that I was tired) that I should just go home if I wanted to (i know she didn't believe me. I'm a sucky liar sometimes). And Sonia... just being there. Offering to listen, just BEING there. Saying how strong she thinks/knows I am, and to just have a 'Caitlin Day'.

These are wonderful people that I'm surrounded by.

but i'm just having an off-day. You can't make it better no matter how hard you try. I know that. When i get home, I'm going to have a good cry, and maybe play the sims if I can muster up the energy.

last time i had a day like this, I had kieran. I could probably call him up and tell him that I needed him, and he might be there for me. But i don't want to do that. I have fondue tonight, which I am looking forward to, but... i don't know.

its just a day. I'm tired. My body's tired. my soul is tired.

i'm just tired.

tomorrow is another day.

I was reading a note on K's fb, and, well, I realized we hurt each other.

in a way she broke my heart. She was my Best Friend. I truly believed she was like my other half. I was never in love with her, but i loved her so so much. And then she wasn't the girl i loved anymore. she was someone else. I didn't give that person a chance because she had taken away the person that I loved.

it hurts, losing your best friend.

I don't think a guy could ever hurt me the way she did. Not even Drew. I loved her without reservations. I trusted her with everything. (Okay, not that far. Even I don't think I could be so open - but it was as close as possible).

There were so many times I wanted to call her up before, ask how she was doing, but my pride and fear got better of me, and i let those moments slip by.

And now... I think we're still cautious with each other. We don't talk about the time we weren't really friends. That's in the past. Not that we'll forget, its just part of our history. The History of Us. I'd rather not dwell on the bad. Just embrace the good.

But she's back in my life, and its a time when i desperately need her.

It's funny. I have both Karen and Lindsey back in my life. Lindsey is my oldest and dearest friend. Earlier this year, I thought that maybe... maybe we weren't as close as I had originally thought. Maybe it was just a thought that we were close.

But then I saw her again, this year, at Fall Fair. And instead of going to a bar with no power with the rest of our friends and family, we sat and talked for hours, just to catch up. And i remembered what it was like, 10-15 years ago when we were kids, and she was my Best Friend. She still is. We pick up right where we left off like nothing's changed. It's so amazing to have someone like that.

I think Lindsey will always be like that. No matter what happens in life, no matter how many years it is until we talk/see each other again, we will always pick up where we left off.

As for Karen... well... apparently I'm going to be her sister-in-law one of these days, so it's not like she can get rid of me anytime soon.

Was busy this weekend. Friday went to a movie with the gang (Amber, Drew, Jamieson, Ryan, Melissa, Adrian). Sexdrive. Was ok. Glad I didn't have to pay for it though - i had movie tickets. that was after having dinner with Karen at the Keg. she got tipsy after 2 glasses of wine. it was kinda funny. so i spent a couple hours with her, then a couple hours the the gang. all in all, it wasn't a bad friday.

Saturday I had to work, so i played online mostly, found out how to play my Zelda game. got home. took a nap, went bowling with ppl (Aggie, Darcy, Mares, Drew, Mai, Reuben, Ryan, Amber). went to the guys' game, didn't get to cheer until the 3rd period, and even then, there was only 10 mins left. had a gigglefit afterwards. went to Timmy's. got home, slept.

Talked to my grade 9 Greg on sat - who turned freakin 20. i luff him.

sunday me and Mares just vegg'd at home, watching movies and chillin out. it was nice.

i used to post random things here, back in the day. i doubt anyone reads this anymore, since i got an lj.

but still.

really random stuff was here, when i was here. when we all were here.

oi.

but now i have an lj to post all my fangirly stufffs. its easier to keep track over there. and icons. oh such wonderful icons. i wish i had more roooooom.

oh, hello. this is much better. HAH. html. whatever. i prefer compose! theres much more stuff. i'm no good at the whole html thing.

i think i was more creative, back in the day. i would just post random lines. of course, now i googledocs for that. and that other... .thing. or something.


damn, that's a good line.

your lips tremble but your eyes are in a straight stare

i like it.

if stupid msn was working, i'd change my sub... heading to that. lol. i have no idea what i'm talking about.

i think i have mood swings. or i'm bi polar.

i really like this song. Shake It ~ Metro Station

its fun. and i love fun dancey songs, and this is defintely a fun dancey song.

this song is pretty sexy too. damn, i wish i had at least one notebook to make a note of doing a playlist. fun sexy songs. or something along those lines. i guess a blog is just as good, but i prefer a notebook. one i left on my bed, and one is on my bed at the the parent's place.

woop woop!

kk, i'm done!

http://chaz.bdmonkeys.net/battle.php" method="get">

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Zang! Who is that, striding amidst the desert! It is Tater_mae, hands clutching two hardened pitas! She grunts ominously: "I'm going to smash you faster than the speed of sound!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

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bored much?

testing... 1 2 3... testing

OMG I'M SUCH A GEEK!!!

AND I LOVE THE CAPSLOCK!!!!

yeah. updating this. dunno why.

wait, its cuz i'm addicted to LJ. and i have no life. and i should be washing my car, but its too windy. and i'd blow away. and i don't want that to happen. and i want a hot dog. but i'll get that later. and the guys have a game tonight. and i'll probably go. and i would take a shower with them, i would, but i'm not going to.

yeah. its been a while.

~hugs

21!